Star date 31012018
It is an interesting thing to be sitting in a familiar place, taking the same tests…pause. Why are they called tests? I have zero control over whether or not I ‘pass’ them. So far…based on that zero logic concept, I have passed the physical and chest X-ray. Interestingly enough, the doctor with whom I had the pre-op physical with a year and a half…ish ago, whom has seen me many times since, asked: “So has Dr. Yu worked on you before? I smiled:
And turn my head just so. “Uh…nope…never met the guy.” Doc took it in stride. This is the same doc whom when I was getting set for the last brain surgery (sorry to give away the punchline), started to leave the room after my physical and came back in and hugged me. A rugged, manly hug. His wife, also a doctor, had a mid brain tumour some five years past. Perhaps the hug was in remembering how his wife had gone through it. Perhaps it was a feeling of having zero control over the situation or the outcome of his wife’s procedure and healing. Perhaps he just likes to hug. I like to believe it is not the latter, as I am not a hugger by nature. Anywhozalbees, I have passed the blood test and urinalysis. There was a bonus test…a nasal swab. I suggested they express my anal glands since I was getting the business as Mrs. Cleaver might say. That turned the heads of all four lab techs and their customers. Uranus is always good for a laugh. It didn’t fail. Sidebar. I say customer because one is not a patient of a lab tech unless one is already a patient…which I am not. Whew. I had a coffee on the drive up so I had to not only take care of little business, but had to plan the order in which I opted to take these tests. Good on me. I chose correctly. I do feel sorry for the tester (as I was the testee…not to be confused with testie). I’m pretty sure my urine…not to be confused with bovine…as that would cause tremendous displeasure if passed through the Loinal region…was pure Veranda blend. …plus two espresso shots. Not expresso as some folk say. These are likely the same folk who say Pacific when they mean specific…whom are likely the same folk who turned irregardless in to a word. My head now hurts worse just having gone through this little word exercise. I now sit with the ancients in the cardiac lab. All of whom are eyeballing me…well…best they can. Their eyesight is not so goodly…especially the ole codger from Texas…missing an eye, but staring down my gourd scar like I am beelzebub, come for to take him. Worth mentioning here is the TV is set to a channel doing a candid interview of the gal whom is stating Chachi…Scott Baio molested her. Every one of the geezers here is glued to this crap carnival. I am sitting as far away from all these bird flu, swine flu, platypus flu ridden folk as I can.
Fast-forward. I survived the gauntlet of tests and hit for the circuit. The only thing left is an audiogram and a BSER (brainstem evoked response) test. Yes…I realize these are two things in how they sound, but according to some, they are incorporated together. Now, one would think the process for setting up such an appointment should be quite easy. Alas, no. I love our current medical system from this standpoint. The referring physician says call the specialist and set up the appointment. You call the specialist and they ask questions of you that only the referring doctor can answer; however, they want you to call the referring doctor for them. I was told I need to do this before they can set up the appointment. I should take pause to advise that the audiology department had never heard of the BSER test, so I should get clarification from my doctor as to what that test is. So…I call my doctor. All I find out from him is that the BSER test has about 75 different names. I call the audiology department back after doing some internet searches on the BSER. I am prepared to give them every name for the test until they have an ah-ha moment. My moment did not come. They now want me to call my doctor back and want to know if I need to see an audiologist or just have the audiogram done. I do not know the answer to this. So I call my doctor back. No, I do not need to see an audiologist. Can we finally get this thing on the books? Mr. Sky-less, can I put you on hold for a minute…I need to find out what a BSER test is. This is day three of calling the same people. The third day in which I have told them what their test is. I am now asked for a prescription for this referral before I can get my appointment scheduled. And now….my patience is gone. “Ma’am, are you not on the same system as my provider? Can you not see all of this? I have called my doctor three days in a row to get you information you could have received in one call, had you actually called.” ….”sir, can I put you on hold?” ….She comes back to say, “Mr. Skeeless, I’m sorry, we cannot offer you the BSER test because that building was flooded and there is no timeframe for reopening it.” Guess what….I still have no audiogram scheduled. Good times.
The tests are done for today, and when I started my day, I was a bit off…emotional, if you will. All of these things….minus the audiogram…have been done. All of these things now feel new all over again. I am taken aback as well as back to a series of mental pictures of segments of getting ready for Charlie’s removal. I am alone and okay. I am different this go around. Why? I was ready to not awaken after the last surgery. I was, in part, ready to go. This time? Not at all. This time, is different.
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