Star Date 02092016
I was a little tired last night, so my apologies for the lack of Charlie v. ATOI or actual content from the road trip. For those who are easily disgusted, stay tuned. This first part is a doozy.
Tomato for toilet guacamole
Rest stop in Enoch, UT…deer heads abound
I am hopeful that women do not encounter this as (all too) frequently, men do. Public restrooms…by the way, this is an epidemic…nay…pandemic situation. Some call it booger art or booger murals. Wheezy and I…after hours in a Passat, call it roadside, toilet guacamole. No? This is the line for some of you? Why not…all the makings are there…green, red…a fresh bowl to mix it in…even add those leftover tomato skins….and for the bold…the corn. Avoid the peanuts…they don’t belong in guacamole…take those for the dish on your favorite coffee table. Too many hours in a car….oh yes…way too many. So many, in fact, well. …we will have to wait a second for that account. At the first rest stop…way back in CO, Wes and I even started a little diddy about toilet guacamole… At first, we were singing said lyrics to The Essential John Denver album. Alas, our thoughts were interrupted as we sang new words to his songs. Anyone ever notice how a lot of John Denver’s songs have to do with flying high, oceans, etc. Our lyrics included those things but were sung in a more realisitic view…him…crashing his experimental plane in the Monterey Bay. So…what have we learned? Right. There is no specific green to red booger ratio for toilet guacamole. You use what you are given. Everything is ripe for the pickin’. See what I did there?
Rewind. Mark was taking his first vacation time since joining the Marines. Joey was maybe two. We all meet at a Le Peep Restaurant at Quebec x County Line, in CO. It is a surprise for the parental units, to see Mark for Christmas. We are all of us, there. Wheezy, Janice, and Joey are late. Joey is being carried by Janice…face forward…projectile vomits like a schoolyard, Rainbird sprinkler…at least 15′ in many directions. Can I just say…it was ….AWESOME. This led to Wes taking Joey to the mens restroom for the clean up. In this particular restaurant, there is a sink next to the wall head and one poop containment field facility, in said restroom. Hence forth, Le Peep is now referred to as Le Poop…albeit it could be anyway, given the outcome of any meal one attempts to digest from that establishment. Mark goes in to check on Wes, after a bit. I go in to check on all three…okay…two and a half. Wes and Joey complete their duties…hehe…duties. Mark and I remain to take care of single-related business…as opposed to big business. Methuselah is in the stall, grunting and moaning to beat the band. I have witness here. “Oh God, Jesus…just get it out.” Mark and I ran out of the bathroom as quickly as possible…laughing with tears.
Fast forward. Any time there is an opportunity to potty with kin, at public restrooms…and not looking for a side dish to go with a gas station purchase of stale chips, we Skeelays do not pass on the opportunity. Why? It’s a little game we like to play to see who is going to burst out laughing first. Simple. The staple of that laughter has always been the Le Poop incident. It works every single time.
Fast forward. The road trip this morning…sh**…Charlie.
Rewind. So the pic under the toilet guac pic is that of the Chevron/rest stop along 15, in Enoch, UT. If you’ve never been, you need…n’t. It is amidst a dust bowl and the second you walk in, your are being stared at by beast and deer heads alike. I stopped counting deer head at 13. The beasts were that of the makeshift employees. Inbreeds, likely. Truly helpful specimens. The kind that don’t really like people of any color, on the premises. Needless to say, when I travel in to the badlands of America, where whitey wants…prefers…needs to be left alone, I always travel with someone of a milk color pigment to their skin. Perhaps more importantly, I let them go in to places first. ..placement is everything here…we must set the stage. Go back and look at the pic, as the place has not changed since the 70’s. We had been at the middle pump, slightly across from the entrance/exit. Joey and I complete our walk around the mart. Wes is having complications associated with some previous mexican foods. Joey and I go back to the car and sit in it. At the pumps, car running…you know…just in case we have to leave a man behind. There we sit. A van pulls up with a family….three generations worth…gets out of the minivan. Joey and I do our own version of Mystery Science Theater. We were…are quite funny. Next. The Asians. I wanted to scream out to the man to let him know he should not go in to this place. Instead, I watched in glee. Car is still running. Man goes in. Asian lady gets out and looks around for a minute. Enter stage right. Car still running. An older couple. A milky colorless gent and his wife…considerably darker. Asian man is now off the hook. I watched as the couple walked through and out…seemingly to have touched nothing. I do not believe the employees had the ability to string words together to form sentences…I suspect the glares were enough. Flash back to Asian lady. She is literally doing roadside yoga. Joey and I are in hysterics. Car still running. Suddenly, we notice that some of our new…not friends…are looking at Joey and me. It dawns on me that we have been sitting in a parked, running vehicle, aimed at the front of a mini mart. …for over 20 minutes. Hmmmmm. Thankfully Wheezy showed. I considered peeling out…just to do the looks justice. Not my car…and not a rental.
Re-fast forward. I drive the 20 minutes to Wes’s motel. Surprisingly…given the early A.M. departure Wes is practically running out to the car. I don’t need to ask why…mostly because I already know, and B, he’ll tell me at breakfast. We drive the mile…closer to civilization…for Barstow…Walk in to the IHOP. Where we stand and wait…ungreeted, for no less than 5 minutes. When greeted we are told we will have to wait for a table. Exit stage right. What other yummy prospects are there? Joey asks if we can just wait till the next town. Wes and I laugh. There are no other towns ….for hours. Carl’s Jr. Seems safe enough. …less the semi-clean gent standing outside the joint, drinking a 40 boy from a black plastic bag. Walk inside and “lady” walks out to smoke by the entrance/exit, leaving their two kids inside to guard their road haulings and trappings. Welcome to Barstow. Next. Has everyone seen the movie, Invincible? Markie Mark. There are scenes during tryouts where there is a larger gent in a cape:
Yep…this guy
Only add white hair…physique is dead on. This guy sits on the other side of the half wall. No food. Faces door. Mobile phone rings loudly enough to stir the dead. Man proceeds to put phone on speaker. Again, no food. Man then has a 10 minute conversation before hanging up to start another…on speaker phone…no food to be found. Welcome to Barstow.
The rest of today’s drive was fairly uneventful. More songs…free. Toilet guac…price of admission to public restroom. Time with Wes and Joey. Priceless.
Not much in the way of feelings today, even though we went by to look at the house my dad grew up in, the school he attended…both in Fresno. Best part of Fresno? Leaving it almost as quickly as leaving Barstow.
Sidebar. If anyone is reading these, I hope you also see and read Karen’s. I am thankful for your words, and especially as they pertain to the Sammer’s. …whom I get to see in a couple hours. I am concerned that I will not be able to keep the Charlie secret much longer. Ugh.
Spotlight friend. Tom Unternahrer. …pronounced as Unter now er. Tom is the first adult that I recall, who took an interest in me…and not in that way. It’s not as if Tom didn’t have enough shite to deal with. Tom has been a foster parent of not so good kids, for as far back as I …and Charlie, can remember. Tom became part of our family as well as someone whom my parents could depend on to dig in to my tiny brain and see the goings on. Tom would, over the years, spend time with us, and I with he and his various kids. This would go on through high school, and has remained the case, even still. I have never seen a more patient man than Tom. Though given plenty of opportunity and within his rights to do things …handle things differently, Tom has always done so with precision of word, a hearty laugh, and with complete selfless care of others. Tom is a true protector of others. I could delve in to why that is so important to me, but that is not the point. The point is, that Tom was and is a role model. Perhaps more important than all of that, Tom is to blame…er…thank…for my love of movies. I will leave this short, knowing that if he reads this, he will undoubtedly shake it off and just laugh. I truly believe Tom does not know how many times he has saved my life from me.
Sidebar. I get to see some friends that I don’t often get to see, but often think of with great and fond memories. I am to bring the kick-a-poo-joy-juice. Is it wrong to bring them a kitten from outside a grocery store? Wes and I discussed this for some miles today. You might wonder if they want a kitty. I suspect they do not. Should that really matter? I am torn here. I don’t believe it to be too late in the game for me or Charlie…perhaps I should have a colorful, rubber bracelet made in honor of Charlie…a WWCD? For my bourbon ….er ….tumour fund raising.
Final thoughts to come. Charlie has been ever mindful of letting me know he is still well-attached.
Fast forward. Sam came to pick Joey and me up from friends. Had a great meal and great conversation.
Thoughts. As soon as Sam came it changed things. Not better and certainly not worse. Just different. It sucks for her to not know, but telling her over the phone would have been far worse.
Final thoughts. I am sitting in the back seat, listening to Joey and Sam chat like they are the best of friends. What a very cool thing for them. I did not know my cousins. …I am ever aware of how much I miss the people that have become my family. I so dearly miss face to face conversations with them. This only serves to fuel an emotional fire of missing Jess. My biggest supporter and protector. Right now, in this moment, I want it to be the evening of 7 October, so I can be awake and knowing that all the people that mean so very much to me can be relieved that I am alive…albeit more akin to Frankenstein than human…but back where I belong.
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